Afraid.

Why's life like this?
When you should not be doing something, the more you would want to do it.
Ugh, life like this is exasperating sometimes.

8 months.
Seems to be so long.
And now, only a week left, and I am bidding farewell to INTI and all my friends.
But what is striking my thought is,

LESS THAN 7 DAYS TO PREPARE FOR THE FREAKING PUBLIC EXAMS!!

Ish so scared loh.

I never felt so uncertain and unprepared for something ever in my life.

UPSR - Don't give a crap
PMR- Was confident (So easy lah)
SPM- Still okay, my instincts were right.

Since the day I stepped into college, I never trusted my instincts anymore.
All outcomes turned out to be very disappointing.
I never had much faith in myself ever since.

There were a few times I was shocked.
Shocked of how well I did,
Or simply how bad I did.
Reality was hard to accept sometimes, that life is so freaking real.

But I am seriously, really scared about this public exam.
I am not prepared!
Even if I read everything, and like up to 10 hours a day..
It doesn't mean that you are able to perform in exams.
When you are in high school you can, but not in college.
Hmm, if history was in SAM, I would have really opt for that subject.
I really freaking love history.
Because you just read and write, and more writing lols.
Even so, it is a bad habit, cos I always tend to memorize rather than understanding.

That is why I am so freaking scared lahh!!
Everyday since last week, I will make sure I study at least 6 hours everyday.
I am aiming for 10 hours, for at least next week.
Study one freaking chapters will take up 5 hours,
e.g: Physics freaking momentum, nuclear fission and all that crap lahhh.
Roll eyes.

There are two subjects I was confident in, well, during trials.
English, and Malaysian studies.
You won't freaking believe it is Malaysian Studies.
Well I know so many people hate it, including myself.
I dun like the culture and the law part, others are fine.
I cannot say I would get an A, but I am certain that I would pass.
Hahaha, how ironic.

Oh Lord, please help me,
I need to get at least TER 80.
At least!!!!

And chem, bio, maths need to get at least a B.
Even so my trials were so freaking bad!

Make me a little bit smarter this few days, I want to do my best.
I want to leave the exam hall without regrets.

Just help me.

:(