Heck, why?

In utter darkness, desperately, I am trying to find some space for mere inspiration. A tingling sensation clicked though the subconscious, involuntary part of my brain. Dang, for mere centuries I had not been thinking like this. Struggling hard to find refuge in the midst of transgressions, iniquities and delinquencies, to find, light. Ah yes, light.


But again, no, not the society of light. No destiny, no fate. It is just, light. The light that shines so ever brightly, knocking hard at the door of my heart, asking for a place to stay. Firstly, I invited the light, but still, it just manage to find itself at one corner, while its presence barely make any difference.

As time pasts, when the light found its niche, it became closer to me. It literally transform me, in the way I could hardly describe. Slowly, the malice tends to fade away by itself. Even though not completely, the light continue to teach me new tricks. The knowledge of discernment, to know what is right and wrong. To make myself more like it, more like what? Duh, it is so obvious! Jesus!

He continued his responsibility in encouraging me through the spirit. His teachings, his logic, has made me more sensible to word, to the truth. Above all, he taught me the most important thing in my life. Is to love. Love your enemies like how you love yourself. It sucks. Seriously. Damning the fact for almost half of my life, willing to listen all of His word, but not this. Never this.

Life was though, coarse. Taking it the hard way, He haven't given up hope for me just yet. As he slowly shift himself closer to the core, I surrendered. He knew me inside out, all the while, having full dominance of my heart. As I learn to forgive, he showed me something in return. Grace.

Grace, grace, grace. What is so great about it? Still remember during Amanda's party I never say grace before I eat. Everyone was starting at me, I was like, what? Haha, as embarrassing as it was, I was forced to lead the prayer. Urgh. Nevermind.

Why am I so blessed? Not because I work and depend on my wages, it is not fair for me to get them when I receive them. Why? Because by the mere word, grace, God indeed has reveal many success in my life! Living my life with hope, by grace, I am able to love someone (not like romeo and Juliet), and to forgo all the past transgressions. Miracle, isn't it?

I prayed for my phone this morning. That my stupid computer would register to the usb link. I know it sounds stupid, call me shallow. But, by faith I really did believe. Last time, I use to say, Jesus, I believe... When I change the way I pray into, Jesus, by your grace, I believe... it really changes things. Not just by saying it, but by believing, by the comprehension of that word. When I did, pop, ting ting, yeah, it works. My computer responded.

Haha, God, indeed you are God. There is no better word for it. I know it is just small little things, that I almost thought that some part of my phone was busted, or either the computer. Slotting the usb cable for more then ten times. All ten times it failed. The phone switched off by itself. Like clockwork. Every time. Sigh, I don't want to abuse my phone anymore. This is the last phone my dad is gonna buy me. Sad.

I had indeed lost my interest of playing the computer. I still tend to play though, for the sake of blogging only. I hardly open any of my friendster or hotmail messages. Too bored to care. Instead, I found a deeper interest in knowing God more, read more books, and to use my time wisely. Means, I don't slack.

I never been like that before. I just did Add maths today. Wow. Seriously. *Gawking like a fool*

I barely wanna play msn already. Found it annoying sometimes.

Wanna know where I got the inspiration of "Grace" from? Bet some of you knew already *smirks*

TenX4.. drum rolls...
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Tadah~ Credit to ugh.. Ash.. ash what ah? Aiks, I want to use your more "informal" name. I like that name though, It is just I am a terrible speller, it could be Ashrin, asha, ash bla bla. In a way, I have my reasons to make it anonymous. Bwahaha. (Don't stone me, the uniqueness of it just momentarily make me forget your full name, that's all.) Tee hee.

Honestly, I think in my whole entire stupid life, this is the best book ever. Really, very meaningful to be exact, even though the first few pages let me thought of "lecture talk" again. Too difficult to understand. But hey, lucky thing it was only the 1st FEW PAGES. Muahaha. My english where got so bad? Tee hee.

Seriously, I recommend all of you to read this. It is better then twilight. (Yala, ash, don't perasan.) I don't mind borrowing you this book, you can photocopy it. Tee hee. Pirated, copyrighted peeps!

Currently addicted to it. Can finish it tomorrow. 3days. Why do I take a longer time reading this compared to new moon that is so damn thick?

I don't know =p

Philip Yancey, please don't sue me =P (Poser)

Yeah right.

-----Sealed-----